


I'm All Yours If You're All Mine.

by mukeiskindawonderful



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Ashton is such a fucking flirt, Calum has slight anxiety?, Depressed Luke, Friends to Lovers, Hate to Love, High School, High School is based off my old one, It's ridiculous seriously, Like you can barely tell it's there but?, Love/Hate, M/M, Michael Being an Idiot, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Protective Ashton, Rich Michael, Tags Are Hard, There are probably some triggers, Triggers, What a fuckboy, again idk, every chapter is a reason for luke to put a song on a playlist, every chapter is a song, feminine calum, i swear to god it doesn't, i'm just bad at this, idk - Freeform, idk man, like everything is literally the same oops, playlists, tbfh, this is interesting, this probably makes it sound like the story sucks, whoops
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-27
Updated: 2016-01-30
Packaged: 2018-05-16 17:29:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,736
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5834359
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mukeiskindawonderful/pseuds/mukeiskindawonderful
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Maybe Luke didn't exactly know what he was doing with his life, and maybe he was falling in love with three boys at once. If he was being honest, he couldn't have cared less, because they helped him forget, and he wanted nothing more than that.</p><p>Title from I Don't Mind by Defeater</p><p> (Do not judge my writing quality on my "summaries" because they literally always suck.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Best Thing (That Never Happened), We Are The In Crowd

**Author's Note:**

> I am so excited for this. I'm already in love with it not gonna lie.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First chapter. I love this chapter idk.

Luke hated mornings. It wasn't necessarily the mornings he hated as much as it was the dragging himself out of bed and getting dressed. If it were up to him, he would stay pantsless all day. Sadly, it wasn't up to him, and on a Monday morning at precisely 6:46 AM, he sat up in his bed and, to be honest, almost felt as if he was going to cry.

However, he sucked up this nasty stinging in his eyes and, with slightly shaking legs, stood up from under his covers and walked over to his closet. He opened it, catching a slight glance of a bright blue shirt before quickly shoving it to the back of his closet once more. It had been awhile since he had seen color emerging from his closet, and he wasn't very sorry about the change. Black seemed to be his calling.

Quickly changing into a black t-shirt and matching jeans, he ran a hand through his coarse hair, sighing as he realized he probably needed to take a shower. Granted, it had been a couple days since his last one and, being the teenage boy he was, he had been "showering" himself in bodyspray every day before school. What was one more day going to hurt? It wasn't like he was ever close to people.

He ran quickly down the stairs, paying no mind to his brothers sitting on the couch with toast on paper plates, and ran out the door, temporarily forgetting to grab his bag. "Shit," he mumbled, already halfway to his car. He quickly ran back in (grabbing his bag this time), and shouted a quick goodbye to his family, before setting off for school - or hell.

By the time he'd arrived, he was already sick of the school day. People were crowded around outside, not unusual when Michael Clifford was around. Luke rolled his eyes, turning off his car and stepping out. As he'd expected in standing up, he noticed the bright red hair sticking out from the crowd of human beings - if he could even call them that.

"Luke!" Michael greeted as he walked closer. "How are you doing, buddy?"

Luke looked at the grinning boy as he walked past, and anamused glare present. He decided to ignore the boy, or else he'd just end up starting a fight again. Again. That's a word he didn't really like saying. He'd have rather stay away from physical contact than touch any human being on Earth.

"Awh, don't be like that," Michael pouted, weaving past the group of people and catching up with Luke as fast as he could. "We're supposed to be friends remember?"

Luke gritted his teeth, shoving his hands in his pockets to keep himself from clenching them. "And who was the one who fucked that up?" He chuckled humorlessly. "Because it sure as hell wasn't me."

"Aw," and now Michael was just mocking Luke. "But buddy, you and me until the end, remember?"

"Too bad the end already happened," Luke shrugged, opening the front doors to the place he wished he didn't have to be. He turned towards his bes- ex best friend and grinned mockingly. "It was nice talking to you buddy. I hope I never have to do it again."

He felt somewhat accomplished as he walked towards his locker, already half asleep (and it wasn't even History yet). He leaned against the locker, closing his eyes. He wasn't sure if he was falling asleep or if he was annoyed. Either way, he was pushed away from his locker slightly, causing him to growl slightly.

"Dude, did you just growl?" Luke turned around to deny it, noticing a boy he had never seen before looking at him with an amused face. He took a second to take in his features, confusion taking over every bit of anger he had. He had a dark fuscia skirt on, a black sweater with pink flowers on it, and combat boots. His lips were shaded with a red tinted lipgloss, and although Luke had no experiences whatsoever with makeup, he had to admit it looked good against his skin.

"I did," Luke admitted sheepishly, a blush taking over his features slightly before he pushed the feeling away quickly and glared at the boy. "Why is someone I don't know pushing me?"

The boy giggled before pointing to the locker next to Luke's. "You were half on my locker," he pointed out. "I'm not a shy person so I figured, 'why not?'"

Luke rose an eyebrow, before nodding. "Alright. Well, if we're gonna be 'locker buddies', my name is Luke. Not Lucas, not Lucifer, just Luke." He formed quotation marks with his hands at the words 'locker buddies'.

"I'm Calum. Not Callie, not Cal, just Calum," Calum grinned as he held out a hand for Luke to shake, only retreating it after a few seconds of Luke staring at the hand as if it were some alien. Calum shrugged his bag closer to his neck awkwardly, clearing his throat slightly before turning to his locker. "Well, I hope we have some classes together. I don't particularly like being around broad people in black, but I could probably stand you."

"You and me both kid," Luke grumbled, opening his locker as well. It was only 7, so they had about 30 minutes before they had to be in class. "Why are you here so early on the first day of school?"

Calum just smiled, answering Luke with the shortest answer he could muster up. "Mom had to do things. She just left."

Luke nodded, grabbing his binder out of his locker and quickly closing it right after. He eyed Calum putting his bag into his locker, curious as to why a boy would wear skirts to a school unknowing of whether people would be accepting or not. It always bugged him to see boys out in public in skirts. Not because he didn't accept it, but because other people didn't. Luke was probably just jealous of their confidence to go out and be who they are without a care in the world what other people thought. He appreciated it, but it bothered him because he could hear people talking about them as if they were something to be ashamed of, but they just kept walking like their words were nothing.

"Do you not care?" Luke asked as Calum shut his locker. Calum turned to him with a questioning look.

"What do you mean?" He asked, settling his hands on his hips. Luke fought back a smirk, the situation all too amusing to him.

"About what people might think of you?" Luke questioned, mimicking Calum as his hands settled on his own hips. He decided it was a fairly uncomfortable position.

"I used to."

"What changed?"

"I realized that these people are temporary," Calum shrugged, bringing one hand in front of his eyes to examine his nails, which Luke just then realized were covered in black nail polish. "They're never going to be in my life forever, so what's the damage if I act the way I choose? I've spent way too long sitting here pretending to be something I'm not, and I won't continue. I have nothing to hide, and I don't care what people know."

Luke only nodded, turning towards the long hallway, before looking back at Calum and nodding his head in the direction of the cafeteria.

They started walking, but didn't get far before someone yelled for Luke. "Hey! Luke!"

Luke didn't have to turn around to know who was there. "What do you want, Michael?"

They turned around, and there stood Michael. Standing next to Michael was a boy with curly honey colored hair Luke recognized as Ashton Irwin, the "school flirt". Senior Class' words, not Luke's.

"I just wanted to ask what you're doing with a tranny," Michael snickered, not noticing the disapproving look on Ashton's face. "You're new here, right Princess? Why would you even consider coming here in that clothing? You know you're a boy right?"

"Michael," Ashton interrupted, brushing his hair out of his face. "That's enough."

"Sorry," Michael mumbled, wrapping an arm around Ashton's waist.

"Big words for such a small person," Luke chuckled. "If I didn't know any better, I'd say you and Ashton were dating. You seem to like kissing boys."

"We're not supposed to talk about that," Michael claimed through gritted teeth, glaring through his fringe at Luke.

"No," Luke corrected, "you're not supposed to talk about that. I have free range to talk about whatever the hell I want. If you didn't know, we're not friends Michael. I don't have to keep my promises anymore."

"Guys," Ashton sighed, bringing a hand to the bridge of his nose and pinching it slightly in exasperation. "Do we seriously have no intentions on getting along here? I know what went down between you two, but we don't have to be bystanders. Come on, Calum. I'll buy you breakfast if you want."

"That sounds pretty good," Calum blushed, taking Ashton's outstretched hand and allowing him to pull the younger boy out of the tension filled air.

"Whatever," Luke grumbled, glaring once more before walking away from Michael. He could hear the boy yelling that they weren't finished, but he was oh so wrong. Luke was so done with everything that dealt with Michael.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed it? Idk I really love it.


	2. Mind Over Matter, Pvris

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is kind of really sad. Luke's dad is dead, so there's that. Just a warning. Probably contains triggers so.

When you think about life, you usually think of normal. You think of eighty years to waste on partying and getting so wasted that you don't remember what happened when you wake up. You think of summer at the beach and wind in your hair. You don't think of depression and anxiety. You don't think of every disorder that changes the way you think about yourself. You don't think about the dark things in life. They're just not common thoughts.

Luke never partied a day in his life. Okay, so besides the birthday parties he had up until he was ten years old, he never partied a day in his life. He realized, however, that if it hadn't have been for the accident, he'd probably have been dragged to one or two by Michael.

There was an accident, though, and with that accident, ignorance spread through the clifford family, and Michael started ignoring Luke. Luke didn't regret not talking to Michael anymore. He didn't regret never going to a single party because, to be honest, he hated people anyway. He didn't regret leaving his old friends in the dust because what were they there for other than money loans? His money was all they ever wanted from him, and he was glad he lost it.

However, he did regret the reason he lost it. He regretted the events from that night, the words he spoke before it happened. He regretted every tantrum he ever threw before his dad got into that car. That was the only thing he regretted.

The flowers in his hand seemed to quiver in the wind as he got out of his car. It was directly after school on Tuesday, a routine he carried in his mind. It had been that way since he was old enough to pay attention to directions. He stared up at the archway, gulping as he looked into the cemetery. This was something he would never get used to.

He walked right through, a small smile spreading on his face as he walked past familiar tombstones. He wondered whether or not these people were open minded, if they held on to their beliefs while listening to others. He wondered how these people would feel about tattoos, about permanently etching words and pictures onto your skin. He knew what his dad would probably say, but that was besides the point.

He walked up to the familiar headstone, noticing the new picture frame beside all of the old ones. His mom had been here while he was in school. he had seen her shoving the picture frame in her purse before he left for school. He didn’t want to look at it, knowing it was more than likely another picture of his brothers or his mother.

"Hey Dad," Luke sat the flowers next to the picture frame, sitting cross legged in front of his dad. "I'm sorry I wasn't here yesterday. A lot of shit happened, and I kind of needed to be by myself. There's a new kid at school. His name is Calum. He wears skirts, Dad. He's so confident and happy the way he is. I wish I could be more like him."

He sighed as he folded his hands in his lap, staring at them as his teeth bit at the lip ring on the left side of his bottom lip. "Michael is giving me more shit everyday. I don't know what happened, Dad. One day we were best friends, and the next he was throwing me in the fire. In a metaphorical sense of course. I know I say this a lot, but sometimes I wish I had never met him. Maybe if we had pretended never to notice each other, I wouldn’t feel so awful about myself now."

He chuckled humorlessly. Every time he talked to his dad, he actually felt things. It was the only way he wanted to feel anymore. Sad. Any other feeling was useless now. "I don't know what to do, Dad. I'm hopeless. I wish you were here. I still remember the day you left. Mom sobbed on the hospital floor for hours. They had to escort her out because she was shaking so bad. You were brain dead for two whole years. I’m still surprised she let you go. I remember Ben telling Jack that he’d be surprised if she didn’t let you go until she died herself. She was a wreck. Ben had to cook us dinner for months later. I guess you guys were the reason I started believing in soulmates. What good does a soulmate do if you just leave again?"

Luke gulped, his eyes starting to sting with tears, but he held them back as best as he could. “Mom won’t even talk to me anymore. She spends a lot of time babying Jack, acting like he’s the youngest. I don’t know what happened. Maybe that’s the reason I changed so much. I just want a reaction from her. But all she does is stare at me for a few seconds before leaving the room and acting like I don’t exist. Am I really all that worthless?”

A tear rolled down Luke's cheek, and he tilted his head back, hoping to make the stinging fade away. "Am I just a waste of oxygen? Am I fading away? Have I actually lost everything? Maybe if I didn't push everyone away, I would still be happy. I don't even know what that word means anymore. I'm stuck in this lie, this artificial life I made up. I'll never be the same again. I might as well just die."

Luke struggled to breathe, bringing his hand up to grasp at his chest, hoping to get some air in. Maybe he really was a waste of air. He never thought he’d say something like that. He never straight up said he should die. It was a thought that he had never formed into words, but now that he had, he couldn't get it out of his head.

\------

If walking in the park was supposed to make you feel better, Luke was probably just broken. In fact, walking in the park just seemed to make him feel even worse about himself. He had never felt this bad before. He had never felt so utterly shattered before.

His thoughts carried him further into the park, passing the playground and heading straight for a bench near the bike path. Or maybe it was for people that wanted to run. Luke never went to the park, so he wasn’t sure what anything was. He wasn’t sure of anything anymore anyway.

Maybe he was just stupid. Maybe he should forget about everything and leave. No one would miss him anyway. His mother, his brothers… He barely knew Calum, Ashton was only a distant classmate, Michael hated him. No one would ever miss him.

He was letting his thoughts consume him, every little piece of him spilling onto his skin like acid. He felt like he was burning, but there was no evidence of it in plain sight. Maybe he really was going insane.

“Hey Hemmings!” For a second, Luke almost tricked himself into thinking it was his worst nightmare, but as he turned around, he realized that it was only Ashton.

“Oh, hey Ashton,” Luke ran his hand through his hair, his bangs falling right into his eyes as he let go. “What are you doing over here?”

“It’s a park,” Ashton grinned, gesturing to his sporty outfit. If sweatpants are really all that sporty. “I’m running, of course. The real question is why are you here?”

“The usual,” Luke shrugged, “drowning in my thoughts, faking my entire life. You know how it goes.”

Ashton’s concerned face probably made Luke’s attempt at being nonchalant look like a terrible attempt at a hardcore lie. “I’m fine, Ashton. Don’t worry about me. Just your neighborhood prick.”

“You’re not a prick.”

“Talk to Michael about that.”

“Michael doesn’t know shit,” Ashton chuckled, crossing his arms over his chest. “If I’m being honest, he thinks he’s tough shit because he’s got money. He doesn’t realize that I’m friends with him to copy his homework, not to get paid.”

Luke laughed, feeling a slight weight lift off of his shoulders. He still felt the weight of the world, but not as much anymore. Talking to Ashton made him feel better. Who’d have guessed?

“So, why are you talking to me?” Luke asked, looking into Ashton’s eyes. Luke decided his eyes were the prettiest he had ever seen. “I mean, you’re friends with Michael, right? So why bother with me?”

“My friends don’t make up who I am as a human being, Luke,” Ashton sighed, sitting down on the bench next to Luke. “I’m friends with people because of how quality they are. I’m friends with Michael because he’s very smart and can be extremely mature. He had ideas that mean the world to him. I have no idea why he hates you so much, he’s entirely too nice in my opinion. I want to get to know Calum because he seems to know exactly who he is, and I need someone like that in my life. He’s pretty and sassy and kind. I want to get to know you because I know you’ve been through a lot of shit and you stay strong no matter what. You’re still here, and I can tell you’re having a hard time, but you haven’t changed.”

“That’s where you’re wrong,” Luke chuckled, looking up at the sky between the intense green of the trees. “I’ve changed entirely too much, I think. I used to own a lot of green and blue. I still do. But ever since my dad died, I haven’t found comfort in bright colors. They just remind me of him. You know, there’s this movie theater down the street from here that no one knows about. It was kind of our little secret. It shows movies that are already out of theaters. Sometimes, they’ll show movies from the 90s on certain occasions. You can ask Michael about it, but Dad used to bring us to the movies and we’d all go see a movie we’d already seen a hundred times. It was a tradition. And after the movies, we would go to the store and buy t-shirts. We’d get matching ones, all three of us. They were always bright, always vivid. I miss him. I miss both of them.”

He looked over at Ashton, noticing his intense look of concentration, staring at Luke’s jawline. “I’m sorry, I was rambling wasn’t I?”

Ashton smiled, nodding his head. “You should do it more often,” he said, bringing his hand up to rest on Luke’s shoulder. “Your eyes light up when you talk about your dad. Happiness looks good on you, Luke. Don’t let yourself lose your way. You’re gorgeous inside and out. Keep it that way."

“Are you flirting with me?” Luke chuckled, winking at Ashton. He probably looked like an idiot, but he was feeling a lot better after finally ranting to someone who would listen. Someone who would care.

“Maybe I am,” Ashton shrugged, leaning in and kissing Luke on the cheek. “But that’s for me to know, and you to find out.”

Ashton got up, bringing his arms over his head and stretching. He turned his body to the path, ready to run again, but kept his head facing towards Luke. “Or maybe you won’t.” And then he ran off, leaving Luke touching his cheek. He let out disbelieving laugh before deciding to head home, walking in the other direction.

When he finally found his house (he had never been to the park before, he kind of got lost), he couldn’t help but feel a little relieved. He was out of the house all day, and he only wanted to sleep. He didn’t even care if he missed dinner at that point. He just wanted sleep.

As Luke took off his jacket, a feminine voice spoke through from the kitchen. “Luke? Is that you?” He dropped his jacket to the floor, not used to hearing his mom’s voice speaking directly to him.

He coughed lightly, bending down to retrieve his jacket. “Um, yea,” he answered, his voice straining slightly. “It’s me.”

“Oh thank God,” Liz Hemmings walked out of the kitchen, walking over to him with a smile on her face. “I need you to pick up Jack. His car broke down and he needs someone and I told him you wouldn’t care. Plus, Ben is sleeping because he has a job interview tomorrow at 6 in the morning. Thank you! You’re great.”

Yea, Luke probably shouldn’t have expected more than that. He knew he would only get disappointed, but he still couldn’t help but hope that his mom showed some sort of love for him. He didn’t understand what he did wrong, but as he shrugged his jacket on once again, he remembered the reason his dad died.

It was all his fault.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I honestly didn't know how to end it.


End file.
